It was inevitable.
Last month I touched down in the Kingdom of Menopause. I arrived first class (natch!), a glass of Sauvignon Blanc in one hand, a bottle of herbal hot flash pills in the other.
So what’s a girl to do? Turns out, lots. With love in my heart and three extra inches around my waist, I present you with my Menopause Bucket List:
1. Lose six pounds (that was a no-brainer).
2. Send out a search-and-rescue team to locate my long-lost libido.
3. Invent melt-proof foundation.
4. Find a creative use for that box of super-jumbo maxi pads in the bathroom cabinet.
4a. Teacup chihuahua daybeds?
5. Find a Kegel app. Anything I can do to avoid becoming Menopausal Pee Lady.
6. Start doing crossword puzzles to stave off Brain Fog Syndrome.
7. Shit. I forgot what number 7 was.
8. Wear a rubber band around my wrist and snap it each time I listen to smooth jazz.
8a. I haven’t yet listened to smooth jazz. That was just a preventive measure.
9. Never, ever publicly announce I’m having a hot flash. Ever.
10. Consider changing the name of this blog, as I’ve permanently vacated the Land of Perimenopause.
So there you have it, darlings. What’s on your Menopause Bucket List?